18 x 24 acrylic on canvas.
So I just received permission to talk about this painting from the commissioner and good friend of mine. She came over and put some money down and asked me to paint her soul. I laughed at first thinking there is no way on earth I could ever paint her soul because to me, her light is so bright, there isn’t a color that could match it but when I realized she was serious, I started spinning about the style. Initially, extreme abstract was going to be the winner as it is the style that leaves so much up to the interpretation of the viewer. It was a safe option, after all, we are fed more than our fair share of information each day, it’s nice to not be told what to think for a couple of minutes and be able to zen out and come up with our own conclusions about the story. But then I felt that would be an injustice to her because through the years of our friendship, we have endured some of the most raw, riveting and not so great but beautiful experiences together and I wanted a substantial representation of the gifts she gives to not only the world, her family, and the smaller community, but to me on a personal level. So I began by sitting in silence with her picture in my head reflecting on her gifts. Then I decided to start with line relationships, splattered some paint and let it drip, then took a full day to look at the drips and see what I saw. Then the ocean idea came which I will break down. Just think of the ocean and what it is. My friend is a powerful force of love and depth. She once told me “if I am not here and you are faced with a big decision, err on the side of compassion, and beg for difference later”. She also said “whoever comes through your door, love them for who they are, whether you can help them or not. Don’t expect them to be different, just love them.” Well the force coming out of the water then birthed itself to my awareness. Now, this friend is in a position to help people. She is also a mother, and also an individual who has her identity that she was born with who has nothing to do with anyone else’s experience or impression of themselves on her. She is not a role, and is also a role in the lives of the people who are in relationship to her. So I looked deeper into who her soul is without being in roles and relationships and without being defined by words or ideas. Then the world made its awareness to me as she is all encompassing of the exact energy of the world and yet separate from it. The hands then made an appearance as she holds her balance and destiny in each hand, one of the community that she works in and one of the seed that she has grown and is trying to send into the world as a life force who will also be a passionate inspirer as she is. So within this wave that she harbors deity like energy from, mermaids if you will from the depths of the ocean, or love energy from the emotional wisdom that water holds, she is able to balance between the worlds that she lives in because she is grounded in her heart that connects both worlds together. She worries that her seed will prosper or get eaten by the world, she protects those whose burden is as heavy as the world and begs to hold their innocence and covers their ears so they can preserve the goodness in their souls. She is a life giver. She never gets lost as she wears the dress of love flowing wherever she touches. The original idea of this painting also had a spider web behind her but I canned it as I wanted to create zen space around her. Traditional the color purple is the color of psychic energy. Clairvoyant people, people who have the gift of sight are said to have purple aura’s. My friend is extremely intuitive and can see what is brewing under the surface of people and just knows what is needed to make others look into themselves and feel better about who they are as energy fields. Finally, the fish represents the old adage of ‘feed a man a fish, he will eat for a day, but teach him to fish he’ll eat forever”. My friend will walk you down the road of self knowledge and allow you to come to your own conclusions but she coaches you with love that you will be ok and that you’re loved exactly how are you. The swing and the window showed up on their own probably to give her a resting space while she’s doing all of the hard work.
So that is her painting. I couldn’t actually paint her soul but I could wrestle with the expression of it and hopefully interpret it in a way that made sense and resonated with her own truth about her soul.
From a space of raw vulnerability,
Brand New One. 18 x 24, acrylic/pastel on canvas. Ready to hang.
I love merging aspects of biological and natural sciences with art. In my healing process, I’ve noticed the patterns in life as they relate to my identity; atoms make up patterns of the universe and color and sound break down into atoms. Through creative process while in recovery of alcohol and childhood trauma, I get to control and take my power back that was taken from me through the creative process and pattern manipulation. The above painting speaks to the debris left behind by the abandonment of parental figures and also key relationships throughout life. Originally I was going to put a horse in the painting which you can somewhat see to the right of the figures head. Horses pretty much raised me as I’ve discussed in my earlier series called “Recovery Horses”. Through the times that I felt completely alone beginning around 6-8 years old, horses have been my friends and have carried me through those times. You can read more about my connection to horses on my life coach website at http://www.silentmooncoach.com. But for the purposes of “Ex-Communicated”, going back to science and patterns, art has given me my power back by being able to create paintings based on how I want to tell my now story. Even though the figure is turning away from something, the bright colors give me hope to rise above the pain of being left behind. Mother Teresa once said that it’s not the lack of food that makes people starve, it’s the lack of love. When I paint, I almost always feel dread in my process. I share these deep processes with the reader in hopes to help in some way. THat’s the only reason. I hope it helps. You are not alone in your struggle whatever it may be. There have been three successful suicides in my family and I wish to be able to offer help to anyone that may feel they don’t belong. Abandonment and rejection can take your breath and soul away from you. That is what this painting is about. It’s about hope and letting you know you are not alone. Reach out to me any time you need.
Hello! It’s been awhile since I’ve posted but the absence is for the greater good as I’ve been collaborating with beautiful people in person and focusing attention on face to face interactions because that’s where the energy and motivation is. I’ve been honored this past year with so many blessings; the biggest being able to help others through art and be awarded by living this passion. If we can’t help each other, what’s it all for really ? The fulfillment that comes from bringing another person joy is beyond words. I truly love being a part of another persons growth and have been given the tools by the creator of relating to others through sound and color, through telling stories in different languages in the form of lines, shapes, harmonies, and vibrations of light and darkness, shades and tones of oneness of all creation. We all connect through art in its glory and vast arrangements in various media. What our words cannot convey at times, sound and color carries through walls that we’ve built around our beings out of safety and vulnerability. Sound 🔊 and color have the ability to break through brick by brick into the nakedness that lies under the surface of life, humanity, and the uncertain. I want to thank Bill Murray for giving Heather B. and I a chance to feel and understand that the efforts of making an all inclusive work of art for all abilities is on the right path of nurturing community. Being recognized and validated means so much in a world of uncertain expression. Social life is a gamble and we never know who we influence, grow, offend, or what people are looking for from us. As artists, we are leaders forwarding progress for humanity. Being recognized grounds us in the uncertainty and points the finger that says “yes, this is the path for you” in the right direction. As artists we all struggle in the void of light and dark, wondering if we mean anything to anyone and if our expression helps anyone else. We struggle with having significance in life or if we are totally wrong and don’t have a clue. As far as producing a work of art that allows the audience to touch it and be a part of the painting, I think we all have mixed emotions about being invited to the table and being heard with a prime example of not being able to fully integrate the art we see at museums for instance, having to obey the space laws between viewer and work of art. Although the work came from human hands, the soul of another, we have barriers so the rest of us cannot quite experience what the maker experienced. It’s a lofty hope but we are all in this co-creation of life thing so why not destroy the barriers between us so that we may understand each other better? We can unify through our struggle when we join in and embrace our humanity and inviting each other in. Vulnerable yet? It’s scary, but not impossible. Same roots, same source!